Thursday, December 28, 2006

Am I alone? I think holidays suck.

Holidays suck.

There. I said it.

I'm bored. And depressed. My family is giving me guilt trips.

What else is new.

I have very few people to share this with, since most people around me, and even in blog-land, seem to be saying "Happy holidays! Cheers!" and that kind of crap.

I just want this week to be over, which is stupid because from what I can tell, January has the potential to be really, really bad.

Seriously, I'm looking at what's on my calendar, and it does not look good.

So I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this funk. I'm thinking about trying to get some errands done, pretend I'm a Real Person, with a Life, even if I'm not and don't particularly want to be.

I want to be in lab, doing fun experiments and having them work, but I don't have the stuff I need to do the experiments I'd like to try. The ones where I Want The Answer. The rest are things I should do, but they'll be tedious so I'm procrastinating. One thing nobody tells you about being a postdoc is that stuff that used to be fun for its own sake becomes tedious when you've done it hundreds or thousands of times.

The thought of what it would take, what I would need to do, to get what I need to do the interesting experiments just makes me want to stay in bed all day. Or give up altogether on this science thing. It just feels really pointless right now.

I've been over at AcademicSecret reading about how much it sucks to be a professor, and wondering what would I want to do that for? Is it really just more of the same?

And reading about how some fields have rumor mill blogs where people post the actual names of people who were invited for interviews. This just blows my mind. As much for the way it's done as for realizing that I'm not sure which is worse: knowing or not knowing how it really works. Is denial better, even if you know on some level just how fucked up it is?

And reading ScienceProfessor's post about all the stuff she got done this year made me cry. Literally.

2006 sucked. I didn't get anything done that I wanted, and mostly didn't have any fun, either.

And I have no reason to believe 2007 will be any different.

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At 2:04 PM, Blogger Wol said...

Yeah, I agree with you in a lot of ways. I spent the weekend at my folks', which was nice and unpleasant at the same time. All I could think about was my work and getting back to it, and deadlines, and all of that.

I think it does get better, really. Hang in there, and good luck for 2007!

At 4:38 PM, Blogger Fantasyeyes said...

I truly hope 2007 is a better year for you! Get out and have lots of only live once!

At 6:38 PM, Blogger ceresina said...

Not alone at all.
Is it any comfort to know that someone got less done than you? no? I didn't think so.
Holidays suck, indeed.

At 7:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


i am a new reader... i commiserate with you -- i am not having fun, either, but i think your post today was excessively negative! what sort of things would make you happy about the holidays this year and what do you hope for yourself in 2007? (aside from being a tenured professor one day)


At 8:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re: the rumor mills... I just had my first committee meeting, and one of my committee members was about 20 minutes late, so we spent quite awhile waiting for him. While I was setting up the projector, the gossip among my the other committee members was INSANE. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Salary figures were thrown out, recruitments of mutual acquaintances to other institutions, interpersonal feuds at current institutions - all in less than 20 minutes. Silly me, I thought these people acted seriously and not like high school girls.

At 12:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous female grad student here. The other blogger posted her accomplishments because she is proud of them. But that is irrelevant. Her accomplishments or failures shouldn't remind you of your own progress (or perceived lack of it).

Cheer up, it's almost January - when everyone comes back and things like administrative offices will be open again. '07 hasn't even started yet. Who knows? Maybe 2007 will be your year. That said, Happy holidays and have a productive New Year.

At 1:19 PM, Blogger ~profgrrrrl~ said...

Oh, gosh. I can't speak for the sciences, but at least in my corner of academe I think it's a pretty good job. Certainly no worse in terms of politics, corruption and juvenile behavior than I experienced in the corporate world (it takes different forms, perhaps, but actually feels less toxic to me).

Regardless, I hope that the new year can bring a new outlook and happiness to you -- however that is best defined for you :)

At 1:06 PM, Blogger Breena Ronan said...

I agree, the holidays suck. My sweetie always gets really depressed and grumpy and I just have to spend my vacation with people that annoy me (i.e. my family.) Also, all my friends, who I don't have time to socialize with during the rest of the year because we are all grad students, leave town to hang out with their families or travel or whatever, so I'm stuck moping around the house.

At 3:47 AM, Blogger cafiend said...

I just Googled "holidays suck" and this post came up. Holiday sucking season is starting to close in on me and the familiar pincers of guilt and under-achievement are settling onto the outside of my skull, preparing to dig in.

If you're doing something the least bit intellectually challenging and respectable, cling to that shred of gratification. I have been trying to hit my window of creative satisfaction for 30 years and wound up in retail, where we work every holiday and my family rebukes me every time for having to stick close to a shit job rather than drive hundreds of miles with the other lemmings to hang out with them.

Holidays REALLY suck. You have my commiseration and then some.

At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel the same. Holidays are just a definitive way of showing that your life is a complete joke and in reality, you really have nothing going on.

Sometimes just raises the question of what the hell are we doing?

At 3:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've always loved the festive season & holidays but now even tho im married & not "alone" im stil freakin bored... i dont have a real social life. i think thats the main reason life sucks at this time of the year. everyones partying & having fun while i sit at home watching tv. im pathetic. to think i dont even have kids which some people use as an excuse for their lack of social lives. i dont have an excuse... am i that uninteresting that nobody thinks of giving me a call.. "hey we're going out tonight, join us" all i get is.. omg last friday was off the hook." " well good for u, i myself had a nice time... i enjoyed watching infomercials last friday night"

At 3:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are such a whoosseee, your life is what you make it. If you are boring it's because you let it get there. get a vibrator if you don't have the guts to create a life for yourself.
Think of it as a giant experiment and you have to be happy in the end. Get to work dork and make it happen.

At 10:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holidays are horrible. Especially Christmas. Fights always break out. Nobody every seems to "buy enough" stuff for someone else. I sit around and pretend to like my family or hers when in reality they are all a pain in the ass. And then someone gets the bright idea to "go to wal mart and get pictures made". Nice.

Holidays are just horrible.

The best vacation is sitting at home, on your ass, doing NOTHING.

At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am totally with you, I hate the holidays. With my parents both gone, being an only child, married to an alcoholic/drug addicted man, who never understands why he never has any money to buy his wife a Christmas gift. Adopting his daughter from his first marriage (who comes from money), it is painful for my other two children to sit back and watch their older sister to be showered with money and gifts. I have always treated all 3 of my daughters the same in every way, heartbreaking that one person can ruin the holidays for a one whole family. Yeah, I know, poor me! I just feel better for writing it down rather than just crying in private.
Miss my mom

At 8:04 AM, Anonymous ash said...

holidays suck man! i have no whre to go ! bored locked up in my house. . . . HOLIDAYs SUck!

At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. PhD,

It's now Christmas eve, 2012. How are you doing? What happened to you between this post and now?


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