Yes, it's stress
They found me today, even at home.
I spent some time talking with my mother, who harrassed me some more about what am I going to do with my life and how come I don't own a house yet and when will I own a house, on and on and on and on. We tried hard, we really did. We explained to her the issues with rent ratios. We got the usual response: "Oh sure" they say, and then two days later the nagging starts again.
Why don't you want to get married and have kids.
I just don't, never did, and am frankly tired of trying to explain that to people who can't relate to me any more than I can relate to why they lives their lives the way they do.
And then I came home, only to find yet another rejection letter in my mailbox. And here I thought most of them would be sent to work.
Yesterday was minutely better, but today was bad again. I'm looking at a weekend of working to make up for not getting anything done this week, but along with doing some experiments I'm hoping to get back on a schedule of eating better and exercising more. In theory all of this will make me feel more productive and help me focus on the 'now' instead of freaking out about the near future. Like I need my mother to REMIND me how uncertain the second half of this year is looking.
Meanwhile, I can't help feeling like my advisor is secretly sabotaging my efforts to get a job. Yesterday she said something about being 'patient', which just reminded me of my initial impression that if she actually wanted to help me get a job this year, she would have been more willing to write my recommendation letters . But maybe I'm just looking for people to blame. And lately I am feeling like my experiments have been going so badly, I can see why she's not jumping on a nearby table to trumpet my praises to everyone who walks by.