Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Alternate lives abound.

Lately I've been having all too real visions of how my life would have been had I stayed with one of my ex-boyfriends.

One friend is married to a guy whose parents are very racist and sexist. Really glad I didn't fall into that trap.

Another friend is married with children to a guy who is smart, funny, and self-centered. He has his dream job; she doesn't. He puts her down, in only thinly-veiled ways, in front of other people.

These things make me feel sorry for my friends, although I know they chose these men and love them, and are, in general, very happy.

A few other friends are in various stages of freaking out about still being single. Very sitcom-esque.

These things also make me think a lot about my alternate lives, and how the one I have is pretty darn good, at least for me, by comparison.

My boyfriend for the last several years deserves a better name: life-partner, best friend, my hero.

For a while when I started this blog I really felt like I was on the wrong path, and instead had ended up fighting all the wrong battles for something I wasn't at all sure I wanted.

Lately I've been feeling like I took a shortcut back to where I was supposed to be. I'm still not sure whether I'll get where I think I want to be anytime soon, but I do feel a little more sure of what I want and why I want it.

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At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"One friend is married to a guy whose parents are very racist and sexist."

What a strange comment! Just because the guy's parents hold unacceptable views doesn't mean he does. And to judge him because of his parents' views is outrageous. My in-laws are staunch conservatives and hold views that are diametrically opposed to mine in many ways - but my husband is a wonderful liberal man who does not share those opinions. In fact I suspect that part of the reason he is so enlightened is because of all of the discussions/arguments he has had with his parents over the years. So give your friend a break and judge her husband on his own merits.....

At 11:57 AM, Blogger Ms.PhD said...

My point is, she is also married to his parents. Who happen to be a couple of jerks.

She spends a lot of time and energy agonizing about the things they do and say to her, and her husband doesn't seem to want to stand up to his parents about it at all.

It's one thing if the parents are jerks and you never see them, or the husband takes your side.

I don't really think the husband could possibly be that great if he condones his parents treating ANY women that way, but particularly his own wife.

At 9:54 AM, Blogger CDJ said...

I think it's natural to reflect at times about what could have been if you had chosen a different path in life. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had chosen not to pursue a PhD and stayed with an old girlfriend, for example.

Usually these thoughts come at times when things are not going as well as one hoped. Sometimes looking back can give valuable perspective on your goals and motivations, especially because we change as we get older. Other times it's just self-pity creeping in.

Have you told your current boyfriend about your "visions"? Are there some things about your old relationship that you miss? Work could also be your problem, dissatisfaction with my job often triggers these thoughts in me. Usually it means I need a vacation (not always possible, I know...). Take care of yourself, it does no good to win the race but lose your mind.


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