Yesterday was better. Today: self-tests.
Yesterday I took myself shopping and got some books, and some new clothes.
On the bright side, I'm feeling skinny, so shopping was actually kind of fun.
I had dinner with a friend and it felt good to just chill out. I really do think I need a long vacation, but I can't afford to take off as much time as I would need to really feel refreshed and rejuvenated- a month or more. Taking short breaks tends to add to my stress, rather than reduce it, so then I never take any time off.
But yesterday was good.
Mental note: Must remember to chill out once in a while.
Anyway I'm laughing because one of the books I bought is one of those "Get Your Career On Track" kind of workbook things full of questionnaires.
This morning I filled out one about Procrastinating.
What I found most amusing was that I could have answered the whole survey if they had just asked the right question:
Are you procrastinating right now by doing this instead of work?
YES.
Needless to say, the book also extols the values of thinking positive (duh), but much to my shock and horror, in so many words actually tells you to repress your stress.
!
I was really surprised by that. I didn't think anyone thought being repressed, or deliberately repressing emotions rather than dealing with them, was a good prescription for success.
I think my main problem with repression is that I suck at it. Like right now, I should repress or other absolve myself from feeling guilty about not working every minute of every day this week, and give myself permission- nay, the assignment to chill out this weekend and try to gather my energy for 2007.
But the guilt always wins.
The fear of regretting that I didn't make better use of my time.
If only I knew what was the best use of my time right now.
I don't.
Blogging helps keep me from a total paralysis based on sheer negativity, and thanks to those who sent supportive comments.
But lately I've been blogging a lot, and probably shouldn't depend on it so much as my main hobby. My other non-science activities have been neglected, which is probably worse for my personal growth & happiness & all that crap. Problem is, blogging for me is an easy outlet, and requires less activation energy than the other things I used to enjoy.
Is blogging bad for me? Should I make it a New Year's Resolution to do it less often?
Labels: guilt, procrastination
posted by Ms.PhD @ 11:49 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I try to set aside non-negotiable/not-skippable time for exercising, because I know it makes me feel good. Otherwise I don't stress out about keeping up with hobbies-- enough to stress out about with work.
Does it have to be all or nothing? Is moderation a possibility?
-AFGS
Jorge Cham, the guy who made phdcomics.com, gave a talk at my university awhile ago, and his main point was that it's OK to procrastinate. One of the things I remember saying is that people feel guilty when they procrastinate because they equate it with being lazy. Apparently procrastination and laziness are totally different because "you're not being lazy if you plan on doing it *eventually*." I was in a vicious cycle of procrastination and procrastination-related guilt at the time, and hearing someone tell me that it's OK to procrastinate really helped. Kind of erased the guilt so that I could actually function and do my work.
I think what I find the most strange is that I've learned to procrastinate by osmosis. I grew up always panicking about having stuff done ahead of time, but being surrounded by mostly procrastinating scientists has made me put stuff off because they were always telling me I was freaking out about stuff too far in advance. But I think in the long run, procrastinating about most things is mostly bad (how's that for moderation?). Because I mostly only procrastinate about stuff when I'm too depressed to make myself do it.
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