It always happens in the shower.
Yesterday was a typical day. All the equipment was working fine.
And then later in the day, it died. I don't know why.
I had good samples, I thought I might actually get some useful data. So I fought with it for a while, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong.
Then I sent an email to the repair person, shut everything down, and went home. Today I will try again to see if it is really broken.
I hate how these things can spontaneously blow up in your face, and this could happen at any time, but it always happens at the worst time.
So anyway I came home last night and I was pretty annoyed, but I sat there and said to myself,
"This is stupid. You should be grateful because things could be a lot worse."
So I sat there and made a list of how it could be worse.
I said to myself,
At least I'm still getting paid (for now). So I can pay my rent.
At least I'm inside, and warm, and have a cup of tea.
At least I can watch tv for an hour before I go to bed.
At least I have a nice comfy bed, and it's quiet here.
At least my car is still running, even though it's old and that reminds me, I really need to get the oil changed.
At least I'm not in jail.
At least I'm not pregnant.
And so on.
I was glad to go to bed because I didn't sleep at all the night before. I kept waking up and realizing I was doing experiments in my dreams.
So again this morning I was in the shower, thinking about blogging and why I blog, especially why I blog anonymously, and whether I should continue to blog.
And I realized I always get depressed in the shower.
I'm usually okay when I first wake up. I'm usually okay through breakfast.
And then when I'm in the shower, I get depressed. Sometimes it's subtle, but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks.
Sometimes I stand there in the shower thinking, if I don't get out of the shower, I don't have to deal with the rest of the day.
But I don't linger. I force myself to get out. I ignore the thought that I'd much rather go back to bed.
I go to work, and I'm usually still depressed when I get there.
Some days it goes away, some days it doesn't.
I don't know why this happens, but it's like clockwork.
Is it a side effect of my allergy medicine, that just takes about that long to kick in?
Is it something in the water?
Something about drinking my 1 cup of coffee?
Probably not. But I wish I could skip that moment of the day when I realize, yup, nothing bad has happened yet today, but I don't want to go to lab, and I have nothing to look forward to.