Friday, November 28, 2008

I'm bored.

Don't want to go to lab, don't want to stay home. Don't want to go shopping.

Waiting for a few bits of entertainment to come in the mail in another week or two.

Until then, I don't know. It's good to have things to look forward to, but in the meantime, I don't particularly feel like doing chores. Really, I should be cleaning my house.

And I tried being social... as happens sometimes, my attempt to organize a group to help me deal with my own feeling of general crappiness got co-opted by another friend's crisis, which left me feeling ignored and really not any better than before (maybe worse).

I was thinking about this friend and how she tends to assume the attention is always meant for her, and so she grabs it.

I tend to assume the role of watcher, which means nobody watches what I'm doing. Kind of like Xander's character in Buffy.

The problem with being the watcher is, if you're not writing what you see, you're just being passive.

I was trying to think what to write about today, to try to entertain myself, but at the moment the one or two things I was saving to blog about are escaping me. I just can't remember what they were.

So I'm back to wondering if I shouldn't just go to lab, just for a little while. Even if it's boring, I have a few things that need to get done, and it's likely to be empty, so I can play my iTunes without worrying that I might be bothering somebody. And given the choice of lab or chores, I'll still almost always choose lab.

Trying not to wonder how I'll deal with life when I don't have lab to fall back on. It's still kind of hard to imagine. But it's a real possibility that I won't be able to count on lab being there for me forever.

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2 Comments:

At 1:53 PM, Blogger Unbalanced Reaction said...

Even if lab isn't there, you will always have something there: teaching, work, babymaking (UGH). Although my quality of life is much higher since getting out of grad school, I put in approximately as many hours. The difference is that I don't end up counting the hours up at the end of the day, so I didn't realize until this week (vacation!) that I was working 12 hours every day. I guess I just like it! (okay, it's probably more indicative that I need to get a life than anything else!!)

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger Ms.PhD said...

UR,

I don't have teaching or work, that's my point. I have to make a point to find myself some work for when lab runs out.

I'm glad to hear you're not noticing the time flying by in your new job. That's usually a good sign! I just hope it lasts. I like a lot of things for a few days, weeks, months, even a year or two. I'm worried lately that I won't be able to find a place I like more than two years' worth.

 

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