You're exceptional.

One (or maybe two?) commenter(s) keeps asking me for details about my career thus far, and always on posts where I talk about how completely demoralized I am, how I've experienced sexism, etc.

The questions have to do with what kinds of schools I went to, what tier journals I've published in, etc.

I'm not going to answer these kinds of questions. At least, not here. There is no way to do this without self-identifying.

Also, I think the more interesting point is why you're asking.

I think you're asking because you want to know that what's happening to me won't happen to you.

It's like saying that the first people taken to the ghetto, and then the gas chamber, were more jewish than the ones who were taken later. The first japanese to be rounded up were more obviously japanese. Etc.

In other words, you want to believe that I've in some way asked for these things to happen to me. You're trying to claim that if you can see my CV, this will justify all the complaining, because clearly I must have made some horrible mistakes. Right?

That it won't happen to you if you can learn from my errors and avoid them?

I get this; it's a perfectly natural reaction. I did it when I was a student; I see all the people in my lab doing it every day, too.

You think if you're just "good enough" you'll be somehow immune.

Trust me when I tell you, if you're worrying about it, you're probably not good enough to completely avoid all of the things I write about here.

Personally, I'm not really convinced there is a good enough.

I think it has more to do with luck re: timing and finding the right mentors who click with you, who are in the right place in their careers to help you.

I refer to "luck" sarcastically here: it's really a probability game. If you are more similar to the people in charge, statistically you have a better chance of "fitting in" than if you are very different.

A big point of this blog is that it's NOT about your CV.

Let's say you could actually do the experiment. Assuming all other things are equal: grades, test scores, lab skills, writing skills, speaking skills, people skills, creativity.

First, do you actually know even two postdocs you could say were equal in this way?

I sure don't. I know people who are good at most things but have the creativity of a door knob. I know people who are great at the bench but hate writing; or who have a phobia of public speaking.

While many of us are good at all these things, none of us are great at all of them.

But let's put that point aside (since you've obviously missed the implications in all my other posts) and go back to Pretend World where everything is simple, at least at the beginning. Maybe I can spell it out for you another way. It's sort of a Minority Parable.



Let's pretend that you could split all the students in the country into two equal groups, where everyone was equally qualified.

Put all the girls on one side; and all the boys on the other.

Experiment Round 1: Now, send them all out to find a thesis lab after college.

Materials and Methods: There are not nearly as many senior women scientists as there are men. There are also some sexist scientists. Some are openly sexist; some are sexist in more indirect ways. Very few scientists are aware of the sexism. Some scientists deny that there is any sexism.

Incubate: Wait a few years.

Conclusions: What happened?

I'll tell you what happened. Many girls dropped out. Many boys dropped out.




Let's now take this already-biased sample and split it again.

Boys on one side are a bigger group; smaller group of girls on the other.

Experiment Round 2: Now, send them all out to find a postdoc lab.

Materials and Methods: There are not nearly as many senior women scientists as there are men. There are also some sexist scientists. Some are openly sexist; some are sexist in more indirect ways. Very few scientists are aware of the sexism. Some scientists deny that there is any sexism.

Incubate: Wait a few years.

Conclusions: What happened?

Most of the girls dropped out. Many boys dropped out, but not as many as the girls.



Discussion:

Now let's ask: how do you think those leftover girls are feeling?

Have they published as many papers as the boys? No.
Do they feel encouraged by their advisors? No.
Do they have a lot of friends who are in a similar situation? No.

Do you think this affects not just their performance at work, but also how they feel about science as a career?

You bet your ass it does.




So to the person who keeps asking: I know you'd like to think that I'm an exception, or that with enough hard work, you can be exceptional and avoid all these problems.


Write back in a few years. We'll see how you feel.