Saturday, June 20, 2009

minor detail

Yesterday I got "young lady"'-ed.

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16 Comments:

At 12:00 PM, Blogger Research Engineer said...

I am the youngest where I work. I've been called "Young "MyName" " more than once ....

-RE

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger Unbalanced Reaction said...

At school, I take it? I get young lady'd all the time at grocery stores, post office, etc. so it doesn't even register anymore.

At least you weren't called a baby! I was-- in reference to my youthful appearance not, thankfully, my behavior. Still, it was very, very icky coming from the older and male faculty member.

 
At 4:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yesterday I looked so crummy, depressed and exhausted that I didn't get carded when buying wine.

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Ms.PhD said...

Yup, at work.

Gotta love it. Would have liked to introduce myself to this guy and have the chance to convince him that I would make a fine future colleague, but I got YL'd before I had to chance to get a word in edgewise.

Still get asked almost daily if I'm a grad student and where I went to school (meaning, undergrad, since it never occurs to anyone that I might actually have a PhD already).

Oh, and got a really important piece of mail addressed to MsYFS (not DrYFS).

Woke up this morning to the Talking Heads song at exactly the part where it says: "Same as it ever was".

 
At 8:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you'd rather look old, grey, and proffersorly? Look on the bright side and enjoy your youth, and youthful appearance. I never get carded anymore, and if you think it sucks to get carded, just wait until it no longer happens.

 
At 8:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny, YFS = Yelling and Fighting Soldier. From Drugmonkey's site:

http://cyborg.namedecoder.com/

 
At 9:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Got carded at the grocery store last night. I think that they have to do this and I think that the person wanted to know how old I was... (I happened to be with my mother and am in my 30s.)

Most of us are still young in the eyes of the beholder. This will change and it is but a minute of time that we have before the transitions take place and you wonder where your youth went. On the other side, you spend the greatest part of 20s in the lab only to wake up one day in your 30s without all the things that would have otherwise made you no longer a YL-- a house (and a mortgage!), a partner, a kid or two, a decent job. Did you ever think that this is why they call you YL? We don't look like adults to them and we are outliers.

Don't hold it against them. Who knows what you might have thought if you had followed the non-science path and were to experience a somewhat normal adult life.

I also felt a bit offended when I was in my late 20s and I was receiving all this information on getting life insurance (for a family that I have not made yet), house insurance (for a house that I don't have), and savings for buying a new car (that I wouldn't dream of buying because I work in the city where many people lack car insurance and the courtesy to leave a note if they commit a hit and run). When I explain these things to people, they think I am living in a different world; I think that I am.

YFS had a good post before. and I am the Anonymous Canto writer. Maybe that should be my handle, as you, YFS, have said so.

-Anon. Canto

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger butterflywings said...

The other day the woman serving in the work canteen where I was buying lunch, asked how old I was, and seemed amazed when I said I was 28, saying I looked like a baby.
I have also been assumed to be a student on work experience. Grrrr.

But yeah - if I *don't* get ID-ed, I assume I look tired/ haggard/ depressed and old.

And if *one* more person says I'll appreciate looking young when I'm older! That is so annoying.

 
At 10:35 AM, Anonymous Postdoc about to leave academia said...

Why not counter with "Hey old man! How's the prostate?"

Ha ha ha.

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger The Grand Inquisitor said...

clearly they are out to get you.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger Enginerd said...

Oh, I can't stand that. I used to get, "Now that's a good little girl." at my first engineering job.

At the university, I'm an undergrad doing research for the summer and I get asked what I'm doing my Ph.D about. Gives me some hope for the future :)

 
At 3:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been called "young lady" on several occasions at work too. I think it depends on the context whether it is demeaning/sexist (even if unintentional) or if it's a compliment. e.g. it's a cultural 'truth' that many women are touchy about their ages and would feel complimented if told they look young. So maybe the old male colleague thinks he is being polite and complimenting you by calling you "young lady".

Also it could be a compliment if it is bestowing upon you the image of being dynamic, bold and creative (and other attributes associated with youth), in contrast to the old deadwood in the department.

but it's not a compliment if 'young' is equated with 'too inexperienced' or unqualified or if the men your age are not being addressed in similar familiar tones.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger Ambivalent Academic said...

Puke. In case your misery wants company today:

I am still "the baby" in my lab. Never mind that I am next in line to graduate. That doesn't matter, just my numerical age. Not my fault that I was getting shit done while the rest of my labmates were out doing Ihavenoideawhat in their early 20s. My only consolation is that "the baby" label isn't coming from my advisor, just my labmates with a few years left until graduation. They're just jealous that I'll have the "Dr." before I'm thirty.

 
At 1:54 PM, Anonymous FrauTech said...

That's great. I get called "kiddo" often enough at work that young lady might be nice, or "honey" from some of the older women. I guess I'm just picky though, I have to admit I kind of tense up when anyone (outside of work) calls me m'am. But despite my young looks I've also been mistaken for the professor when I was just an undergrad (I was dressed like an "adult" I assume didn't help, and she WAS a youngish woman professor) and the other day was disappointed to be not carded. Could be even worse though, as I was driving the other day someone on the street called me sir (!), i'm assuming they saw my car and not me, but jeez...

 
At 3:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am called "doll", grrrrr. I clarify the term for the morons every single time: it's Action Figure, thankyouverymuch dammitthehell. One guy busted up and patted me on the shoulder, I told him I wasn't kidding and walked away with 'tude. Another guy looked stunned, so I said it again: I am an Action Figure, not a doll. I think I growled, he definitely got my bad ass face. He hasn't said a peep to me since. Thank maude.

(((postdoc about to leave academia))) I am totes using your line. jc

 
At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Most of us are still young in the eyes of the beholder. This will change and it is but a minute of time that we have before the transitions take place and you wonder where your youth went. On the other side, you spend the greatest part of 20s in the lab only to wake up one day in your 30s without all the things that would have otherwise made you no longer a YL-- a house (and a mortgage!), a partner, a kid or two, a decent job. Did you ever think that this is why they call you YL? We don't look like adults to them and we are outliers.

That is so true!! I think people are judged not so much on chronological age, but on whether you have successfully conformed to the stereotype of what you should be doing at different life stages. Among my non-science friends and family, I am always treated like I'm more immature even though I'm the same age as everyone else, but because I don't have those things that people "normally" have at my age - family, house, steady job, 401K.... My 20s were lost inside the lab(s). I wasn't about to go and start a family when my personal life was so unsettled and uncertain, though I knew fellow grad students and postdocs who did so anyway (it helped that their spouses were the "normal" ones who provided the money and shelter). Personally I don't feel in any particular hurry to acquire these things things, but my family and friends all seem anxious for me to acquire them as if your adult life hasn't really begun until you have all those things. (shrug) so I'm definitely an outlier too

 

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