Followup regarding earlier post
So a while back I posted about how someone at my place of work was talking about me to another coworker, and I wasn't sure whether or not to confront the issue (and the person).
Everyone said to keep it under my hat, so I kept it under my hat.
Fast-forward to now, and this person made a couple of comments directly to me that confirm and extend my previous suspicion that there is something more at stake here.
So again, I am wondering whether I should confront the issue- especially since this was something said directly to me- and if so, what's the best way to go about it.
I'm not sure I care so much what this person thinks about me, except that I can't avoid regular interaction. I'm more worried about what their opinion might mean to others, who have more influence and would be more useful to have on my side.
posted by Ms.PhD @ 6:53 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Ooh, this person is Asking For It!!!
I would suggest you keep it under your hat for the same reason I said before, which was, it's really none of 3rd party's business (that person who spilled the beans to you). If your coworker has a problem, s/he has to deal with it like a normal person. No passive-aggressive BS, no sending messengers, and no being all cryptic.
If you are feeling brave, you can invite this person for a one-on-one/heart-to-heart. Maybe s/he will finally get the balls to say what's on her/his mind for once. (I forgot the gender of this person from the previous post...)
AFGS
I think you need to take the person aside and ask them to discuss the issue with you. Just tell them your concerns and listen to their problems. There may not be anything you can do to change their opinion of you, but your best chance is listening to their concerns. It's sort of counter intuitive, but being super nice is your best chance. If you can't resolve the issue with them then at least you tried your best.
I'm glad you didn't confront this person then, but I guess now it's a different ballgame. I am guessing the topic of the comment, and what is at stake, is about your professional life, and not a personal one - if it is personal, then I would try to laugh and brush it off (ok, well, at least PRETEND to! :) ).
Before going in, try not to think of it as "confrontation", but as a discussion. I understand that that is hard, but being aggressive and confrontational will result in the other person being defensive.
If you did think you had a good relationhip with this person, you can say that and ask why they have this opinion of you. Re-rading your previous post, it seems that this person is still straightforward (they came to you after all). Tell them that you thought they would give you positive and negative feedback.
You obviously care what they think, and rightly so.
I can't even begin to imagine what it is all about (is this person trying to slag you off??), and I am sure other commentators have different views. But a person like this can be of great help to you professionally. I know it's hard to believe that! But not many people will "advise" you directly in life, and you might as well get as much out of them as possible, given the chance!
About being worried about what their opionion means to others - now that, you have absolutley no control. The only thing you can do is to prove to others by interacting with them, that what they hear from a third party is not true. Leave them to reach their own judgement. They can judge the other person too, not just you!
If your instinct is to confront this person, I'd do it.
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