Is this a female thing?
I'm having a stupid problem. At least, I think it's stupid that it's even an issue.
In my quest to find out how to get a faculty position, I've been told numerous things by people with varying levels of expertise.
One person told me to focus on publishing above all else, and don't worry about funding.
Another told me if I have funding, it will make all the difference.
And so I am in a quandary about what to spend my time on: papers, or grants?
Papers, of course, papers. But some days, I wonder if having more money wouldn't also help the papers come faster, since I'm dealing with a lot of little problems that money would cure.
So in my quest for funding, I have found some things I may be eligible for, but since I am a postdoc, all of them require some level of commitment from my advisor and/or my university.
In particular, I am at the stage where any money worth having requires that my university promote me and/or make a certain type of statement that they will promote me and provide me with sufficient lab space, etc. if and when I get one of these grants.
I have tried to make this happen in the past, with no help from my advisor at the time, and I am still adding things to the list of what I did wrong. I should have bribed the business officer, I'm told. I should have gotten more outside letters from collaborators. And so on.
All of this makes me feel like I have no aptitude for the funding game whatsoever. It seems that every time I approach the grant issue, I find out a whole slew of unwritten rules, all of which, once revealed, make me feel stupid and none of which make me feel empowered and informed.
How on earth was I supposed to know any of this?? Do they give out a handbook in the men's bathroom? Somehow I doubt it.
The people I know who have gotten funding have had supportive advisors. But I have not had one of these, nor do I expect to have one in my lifetime.
In fact I am a bit intimidated by bringing up certain topics with my advisor.
MsPhD? Intimidated? Impossible!
But seriously, I have limited interaction with my advisor, which means when I get any attention at all, I have to use it wisely. And when the answer is no, it usually stays no. And when the answer is no, it usually means I do not get an answer at all, from which I am to infer that the answer is no.
So I am back at the same old question, which is this:
How best to approach my current advisor to get the support I need, to get the funding I need, to get the job I want.
Keeping in mind, of course, that my advisor wants nothing more than to:
a) keep my project when I leave
b) keep me working only on papers and not 'distracted' by things like wanting a career
c) do nothing whatsoever, including the part that is, at least on paper, my advisor's job (e.g. getting the department and university to provide the appropriate paperwork, writing the career development letters that some of these grants require, etc.)
I've realized I've been avoiding applying for funding for precisely this reason: that I don't want to have to ask my advisor to do anything to help me get it, because I expect that the answer is no anyway, so why bother asking?
If I could get it just by writing something on my own, I would do it.