Tidbits of rant.
I'm too pissed off to pull my thoughts together, so I'll just make a list and maybe expound on some of these later:
1. I am REALLY angry with my advisor. I don't even have time to be angry right now. But I think "angry AT" is a lot better than "depressed ABOUT". So I guess that's progress.
2. I learned from a friend yesterday that his lab's funding got renewed: 2 R01s with scores in the second-percentile range. His PI is 80 years old.
3. I have a lot of work to do this weekend. I might go to the gym on my way in, just so I will be too tired to fantasize about repeatedly kicking my advisor in the head.
4. Several small pieces of benchtop equipment broke in our lab this week. One was fixed by two different people, then broke again. I'm inclined to think this is the sort of thing that should be replaced, but our advisor has some kind of philosophical problem with replacing things that are cheaper than most of our disposable reagents... even when they are completely destroyed after 20 years of constant use.
5. It's that season again where other postdocs around me are going out on interviews and getting their papers published. One sent me proofs. I can't bring myself to open the file.
6. I've recently been talking to several older women PIs. Let me just mention here that they've basically been no help whatsoever with my career problems.They have no creative suggestions, only things I've already thought of and/or tried. They have taken a very defeatist, basic-survival strategy toward their own careers, and I find it demotivating. They pointed out that the only other way to make it as a woman in science is as a Superstar.
7. I am tired of being an invisible Superstar.