Tuesday, July 19, 2005

What Female Friends Say About You

So I have this friend who doesn't have that many other female friends. Actually, I have more than one female friend for whom I'm possibly the only female friend. Now, I never thought much of that because we're all scientists, these are people I met in grad school, which was the one time in my life when I had more than a handful of close female friends. But a guy she went out with recently made some comment about her lack of female friends is a 'bad sign'. I'm not sure of what. Lack of free time? Lack of interest in knitting?

Then today I was watching Judging Amy (yes, I am still trying to Relax), and noticed that none of the female characters on the show have friends other than family members.

Is this part of the Bitch mythology? That professional women don't have time for friends? Or that we can't relate to each other-?

My thought for the day is to go give your girlfriend a hug. Commiserate. Find something not-too-girly to do together.



At 4:03 PM, Blogger BotanicalGirl said...

Personally, I've found that my female friends have been much more likely to betray me or my trust at some point. Women tend to have super-strong bonds which can get overwhelming sometimes. In a classroom setting, I'm much more likely to befriend my male classmates than the female ones. In a close-knit group like a lab however, I tend to be closer to the other women.

And yeah, I think as a generalization female scientists are less 'girly' than the norm. My guess is that the guy in your story was worried that she didn't have anyone else to talk to: women tend to discuss and analyze personal events more. He was probably afraid he'd get stuck listening to her blather.

At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Nassira said...

Actually, for what it's worth, Amy did have a female friend for the first few seasons: a fellow judge who ended up dying of cancer. The moral of the story being, it's ok to have friends, just don't expect to hang onto them through sweeps week.

In any event, might it have something to do with the field a given woman is in? Coming from a fairly gender-balanced field (linguistics), most of my friends-who-are-also-colleagues are female. In fact, the close male friends I have, I've had to meet elsewhere. In the hard sciences, or for that matter, the law (getting back to Amy), there may just be fewer women to choose from.

At 7:22 PM, Blogger Ms.PhD said...

BotanicalGirl is absolutely right- she is the type who tends to abuse her boyfriends by making them carry her entire emotional burden.

I don't know if it has anything to do with what field you're in. And I had no idea Amy had a female friend in the first few seasons- how come they never re-run those episodes?

At 7:24 PM, Anonymous Nassira said...

They re-ran those episodes (on TNT) last summer, if I recall correctly; perhaps they haven't gotten back around to them yet. *smile*


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