On headaches, daylight spendings, and mentors
1. Creeping headache has been off and on most of the day. It's not quite of migraine proportions yet, but I suspect I should go home and take some of that Zimorg, or whatever the hell it's called, that my doctors have been shoving at me. I haven't tried it yet- anybody want to warn me about scary side-effects now??
2. I hate daylight savings time. I cannot wait until it ends in 2007.
Got another rejection letter... I'm not heartbroken, since in a way it confirms that the committees are actually looking at applications now. It wasn't a top choice or even a place I thought I had a good chance with, but. But. It's been such an irritating few weeks, I could really use some good news, rather than the very brief "we have decided not to go further with your application." Oh well. Fortunately my years of writing poetry got me relatively inured to rejection letters. I know that on some level it's just a statistics game, like cloning: you only need one to say yes.
And don't get me started on all the other irritating things that happened today. Let's just say they mostly comprise other people not doing their jobs, in such a way that it has only contributed to my growing headache. And, the headache being what it is, I'm not inclined to expend the energy to fix any of these problems today!
My only good news so far this week: I finally managed to talk to my best friend, after playing yet another week-long round of phone-tag. Yay.
The news from all my friends in a nutshell: our parents are getting old and sick. One has a depressed mother, one has two parents with cancer, one has a parent with Alzheimer's, another has a parent with Parkinson's.
I know I'm supposed to be glad that I have my health, or whatever, but the headache is preventing me from believing it.
3. Someone brought up a good point in the last set of comments about meeting older, more experienced Academic Warrior Women. Here is my experience in a series of stereotypes:
1- the Women Studies professors kick ass, but I never see them. (see also 3 below for why)
2- Bitchy Prof, whose mission appears to be to step on anyone who tries to follow them up the career ladder.
3- Strong Leader Prof, who is too busy writing her grants and paying attention to her own people to mentor me.
4- Nice But Clueless Prof, who looks at me blankly when she asks me how things are going and I try to tell her anything that isn't 100% positive and professional.
5- Socially Inept Prof, who won't even look me in the eye, much less have a conversation with me.
So far, the best I can do is scramble from crumbs, a few minutes here and there, or emails, with #3 up there. Despite numerous efforts to be friendly and outgoing with #5, I haven't made much progress there, because even when I can convince them to talk, they're typically unwilling to cough up anything about their own lives. Although I think some of the things I say do eventually sink in with #4, they either take forever to process in her very slow brain, or she has no experience of her own to draw from to be supportive. Either way, I don't get much out, even though I am still holding out hope that I am at least contributing to her education!
Sigh. I think the headache is winning, so I should probably go home. Anyway just wanted to say thanks again to all of you who are offering encouragement... blogs are so weird since we have this little ethereal community of virtual strangers... but it really does help a lot to combat the isolation.
Labels: women in science